Alone In The Silence
by ShadowGirl996
Summary: Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. Most of the time, she's alone or being forced to be someone she's not. And now that she's finally realized how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence. RATED M FOR VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE, AND MILD SEXUAL CONTENT IN MARKED CHAPTERS
1. Head In The Clouds

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and any you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, I enjoys my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy!

* * *

><p>It was just past dawn when I awoke, moaning and tugging my pillow over my head to block out the glaring golden rays of light that streaked across the floor and directly into my eyes. I heard my dragon squawk in her stable outside and rolled over, sitting up. I would have to get up sooner or later, whether I like it or not. And based on my dragon's annoyed squawks, sooner is the better choice.<p>

I sighed, swinging my legs over the side of my wooden bed and standing. I groaned as my back cracked and glanced around the room.

Hiccup's side of the bed was empty, as was Toothless's stone bed. They were most likely out helping villagers, training dragons, or stopping the twins and Snotlout from wrecking havoc on Berk on that cold, snowy morning. The usual chiefly duties.

I, myself, felt like going for a long, relaxing flight on my own dragon, a Deadly Nadder who I have decided to call Stormfly.

I was just heading into the kitchen when a sudden wave of nausea hit me, sending me barreling towards a conveniently placed bucket and spewing the contents of my stomach into it. Once I was finished, I stared into the bucket at the bile, trembling as a foul taste filled my mouth.

What a great way to start of a Wednesday morning. Just wonderful. Well, no Dragon Races or flying for me this week. Nope, just me, the flu, and an empty house.

I sighed, stumbling over to the door on shaky legs and nudged it open with the toe of my boot and threw the bucket outside. The snow rushed inside, followed closely by a bone-chilling wind. I quickly slammed the door shut and leaned against it, sinking to my knees.

I must have eaten something bad the night before and gotten food poisoning. Or maybe I drank too much mead and was simply hungover. I had never had food poisoning or a hangover, so I wouldn't have known the difference.

The night before had been one of the most important parties of the year, and, I have to say, Vikings are known for their love of partying for a reason. It had been Snoggletog, the most anticipated holiday of the year. I had celebrated with my friends and family, accompanied by my husband, who was passed out for most of the party. Hiccup hated to drink, and combined with the fact that he never did, he was a lightweight. He had barely finished one tankard of mead throughout the entire night, and he wouldn't have even had that much had I not nagged him.

So, with him stumbling and tripping on my arm, I had drank and danced with my friends all through the night. I would have stayed longer than I had, but Hiccup had fallen and banged his head on a table, forcing him to go home.

I, from prior experience, had known that he would probably fall into the ocean or walk into something if I let him walk home alone, drunk or not.

And it was a good thing I did. I distinctly remembered watching as he struggled to get out of the Great Hall, torn between laughter and sympathy.

* * *

><p><em>"-so then I just let it go." Snotlout finished, trying to impress his fangirls with his macho (and obviously exaggerated) stories. They all sighed dreamily, rubbing his arms, touching his hair. It was disgusting, watching them sigh and giggle over his stupid and obnoxious stories. Ugh.<em>

_"That's so brave, Snotlout." One of the girls, Alva, noted. The other two, Eira and Helga, nodded faithfully._

_I just rolled my eyes. I was beyond thankful that he had given up on me after my marriage to Hiccup. I don't think I could have taken his endless flirting for much longer. Now he was after Ruffnut, much to her disgust and dismay. __Poor Snotlout, he had no idea what he had coming for him. Oh well, I was sure she wouldn't hurt him too_ _badly._

_"Hey, Astrid, is that Hiccup?!" The girl in question laughed, pointing towards a large beam that stood next to the large double doors. I followed her gaze, my eyebrows raising when I saw what she was laughing at. _

_There, Hiccup was in mid-step, walking straight towards the beam. __With a thud, he ran into it, stumbling back and staring at it before trying again, struggling to push it out of his way. _

_"Oh gods..." I muttered under my breath, standing from our table and pushing my way through the joyous crowd towards my overly drunk husband. _

_Yeah, he was definitely done drinking. I shook my head as I grabbed his arm, half leading half dragging him away from the beam. I__ pushed him towards an empty table, wincing and reaching out when he tripped and slammed his head into it. _

_"Hiccup, are you alright?!" I asked, crouching down next to him. He only blinked at me slowly, rubbing the back of his head._

_"My head hurrrrts, Astwid!" Hiccup whined, his green eyes wide. _

_No way. My ever mature and level-headed husband acted like he was five years old when he got drunk. Never again was he touching mead. Never._

_I pulled him to his feet- well, foot- and led him out of the Great Hall, much to his annoyance._

_"Where are you taking me? I was having fun!" Hiccup cried, struggling weakly to pull his arm away. I gripped it tighter, rolling my eyes when he whimpered. I tried to relax, telling myself that he was still Hiccup and that thankfully, the mead would eventually leave his system. _

_"We're going to visit Gothi and then we're going home. You'll be fine." _

_Hiccup's green eyes widened. _

_"I'm DYING! Somebody help me!" He yelled. __I slapped a hand over his mouth, muffling his screams and further attracting the attention of the other villagers. They gave us strange looks, leading their children away. I wanted to raise a fist, but willed myself not to. I had bigger problems to deal with then what people thought of me. For example, my intoxicated husband._

_"You're not dying!" I growled at him. "We're going to Gothi's because you ran into a beam and then you banged your head on a table."_

_He stopped yelling and nodded silently. __When I moved my hand away he looked at me, searching my eyes as if to confirm that I was in fact telling the truth._

_"Are you sure?" He whispered._

_"Oh for the love of Thor, YES, I'm sure." I growled, pulling him along as we neared Gothi's hut._

* * *

><p>I shook my head, trying to clear the dizziness. It didn't help much, but I felt better than I had.<p>

Maybe I should have visited Gothi, just in case. I didn't want to be sick during the upcoming New Years celebration. Besides, if it's nothing than I can be glad that I at least made sure instead of letting the guilt haunt me. Yeah, I would just go see her the next morning. I nodded to myself, grabbing my fur hood before trudging out into the winter world.

Stormfly was waiting when I pushed open the door of the stables, greeting me with a cheerful squawk.

"Hey girl, ready to go flying?" I asked her, grabbing the saddle and strapping it into place on her back. Stormfly squawked, nudging me with her large beak-like nose. I laughed in return, rubbing her neck affectionately.

"Yeah, I missed you too." I told my dragon, hoisting myself up into the saddle.

"Alright, girl, let's go!"

The dragon spread her wings, leaping into the air.

I sighed as I felt all of my troubles flee my mind, as if they were simply blown away. The wind tousling my hair, the clouds at my fingertips, the whole world behind us as we climbed into the open sky as the first pink streaks of morning light shone over the mountain tops, causing the snow to sparkle. I loved flying. It was simply something I could not live without.

"Gods, I missed flying. What about you, Stormfly?"

The dragon chirped in reply.

"Yeah, I thought so."

For the rest of the day we soared through the clouds, watching the world come to life beneath us. There was nothing like flying. It was amazing. The feeling of complete freedom and adventure... it was like something from one of my craziest dreams. I knew Stormfly felt similar and often envied her. She could take flight whenever she wished to, whilst I could only fly on dragon-back. But it made us a team and I wouldn't trade that for the world.


	2. Breaking News

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and any you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, I enjoys my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy!

* * *

><p>I moaned, rollinow away from the bright sunlight that poured through the window. I smiled when I felt an arm around my waist pull me closer to a warm body. I opened my eyes when my husband's breath tickled my ear, stifling a giggle.<p>

I kissed his cheek, my smile growing when he stirred. His beautiful forest green eyes slowly blinked open, confused, then adoring.

"Hey, you."

I snuggled up to his chest, looping arm around his thin waist.

"Hey, yourself. Why you aren't out taking care of the village? Doing chiefly things?"

Hiccup smiled at me, one of his hands reaching up to gently brush my blond bangs away from my face. "Because, I told them I had to take care of my wife first."

I shrieked when he rolled on top of me, the blankets falling to the floor as we just stared a into each other's eyes, allowing the cold winter air to nip at our skin.

I reached up to touch his cheek, leaning forward to press my lips to his. I loved kissing him. Our kisses were never dull. They were always full love and passion. I loved the taste of his lips- sweet like honey, yet spicy like cinnamon.

I drew back slowly, my hands reaching up to tangle themselves in his dark hair.

I felt a smirk curl itself on my lips, growing when he raised an eyebrow.

"You told them that you were staying in today to take care of me. So, shouldn't you be doing that, _Chief_?"

Hiccup smiled devilishly at me before reconnecting our lips.

I sighed as he left my lips to nibble at my neck, the cold air heightening the sensation of his mouth. I moaned when he kissed the spot right beneath my ear, his deep chuckling loud in my ear. "Well, how do you propose that I _take care of you_?" I giggled.

"I think you'll be able to figure something out."

I pulled him down to meet my lips, our tongues battling for dominance as out hands roamea each other's bodies, unable to be close enough. I moaned when his hand tpunched the side of my breast, my body arching up to meet his touch.

"H-Hiccup-"

_Thump!_

... And our moment was ruined.

We both groaned in unison, looking awkwardly at anywhere but each other.

_THUMP!_

"Alright, Toothless, I'm coming, I'm coming! Just give me a minute!" Hiccup yelled and the thumping suddenly ceased.

The room grew silent.

Hiccume glanced at me, his eyes hopeful.

I managed a small smile, leaning in to peck his lips, but ipassion kidding him passionately, rolling on top of him and pinning his wrists above his head. My free hand pulled gently at his auburn hair, causing him to moan in both pain and pleasure. His hands had just snaked around my back to undo my breast bindings when the thumping started up again, each thump accompanied by a loud roar.

Hiccup collapsed back on the back, his hand smacking his forehead.

I stood awkwardly, clearing my throat.

"Um... I'm gonna go out, but I'll be back soon."

Hiccup nodded, closing his eyes.

"Alright. Don't miss me too much, I guess I'm stuck here with Mr. Impatient For most of the day. If I don't take him flying, I'll be lucky if ever ever lets be in the house again."

I laughed. "Don't worry, it shouldn't be too hard."

Hiccup opened his eyes, shooting me a playful glare.

"Hey! Don't offend the husband!" He feigned hurt.

I just shook my head, walking towards the steps.

"Hey, Astrid?"

I turned.

"Hmm?"

I saw him smile as he folded his arms behind his head.

"Your butt looks great from this angle."

I playfully raised a fist.

"Did you seriously just say that?! I hope you're enjoying the view, because its the only view you'll be getting for a while."

Hiccup pouted, his eyes sparkling.

"Noooo... what will I do without-"

_THUMP!_

_ROOOAAARRRR!_

"I'll be fine. But you won't be, at least not if you don't feed that dragon of yours soon."

"Maybe. But can you really control yourself around this much... contained _vikingness_?!" He shot back.

I began to howl with laughter, clutching at my abdomen as my lungs screamed for air. "Yeah, it's contained alright!"

Hiccup gave me a look.

"It's not funny!"

I only continued to laugh as I made my way down the wooden steps.

"Yeah, it is!" I called over my shoulder.

* * *

><p>The walk to Gothi's hut was both relaxing and terrifying. What if I had some deathly disease? But on the other hand, it could have been only the flu.<p>

I just hoped that it was nothing, that it was just my mind playing games.

But what if it wasn't? What if I had somehow gotten a virus? Or a disease? What if I had only a short time to live?

No. I'm wasn't being rational.

I tried to ignore the horrible thoughts that filled my mind, like deathly diseases and viruses.

Gothi's home was closer now, only a few minutes' walk.

I knocked on the door, praying to the Gods that the old healer was home.

She was, and opened the door after a second knock. She gestured for me to come inside and began to write in the sand that covered the floor.

"Why am I here? Well, I've been really nauseated lately. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright."

Gothi nodded, her staff moving about wildly.

"No, I haven't been drinking...well, except for a few tankards during the Snoggletog party."

Another nod. More writing.

"Alright."

I crossed the room to the makeshift bed that was placed in the center.

Lying down, I looked over at the old woman.

"So... what do you think it is?"

The healer seemed to ignore me, instead touching my flat abdomen with her icy hands. It was uncomfortable and strange, feeling those hands touching me.

After a moment the woman nodded, a faint smile on her face. She looked down at the sand, scrawling more words with her staff.

"When was my last... oh."

A light blush dusted my cheeks.

"It was... um... I really can't remember, which is strange, because it's usually pretty regular..."

Gothi nodded, rubbing my arm before hugging me. I hesitated for a moment before settling on patting the small woman's back.

"Um... is something wrong? Am I sick?"

The healer moved away, a knowing smile on her face. She quickly wrote something and gestured for me to read.

"I..."

My eyes widened.


	3. Watch Me Burn

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and any you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, I enjoys my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy!

* * *

><p>The walk home was agonizingly slow. It felt like time had nearly frozen, as if it wanted me to feel my world crashing down around me in those slow moments. I just couldn't shake them from my mind. Nor could I shake the fear of being rejected. What if something went wrong? What if I failed him?<p>

What if I failed everyone?

What if... what if... what if...

There were so many things that could happen, so many possible outcomes.

I rubbed my arms, trying to bring some warmth back into my body. It had almost no effect, but it was better than feeling the sharp pins and needles that was frostbite.

I loved living on Berk, but the cold atmosphere that it was located in annoyed me to no end. It was always cold, with the exception of a few very rare warm days when I was comfortable in just my top, skirt, and leggings. In the winter all I had was a fur hood to block the cold out, and it didn't have much effect.

Children on Berk were raised to be tough. To be strong. To be the next generation of warriors.

They were taught to bare the cold, that they would earn strength in exchange. I knew that rule was severely outdated and completely bogus. I would never tell my children to risk the danger of frostbite in exchange for _strength_. Not after I saw how things like that a stuck to a child, like they had to Hiccup.

_Children._

I had never dreamed of finding true love in my teens; of being a good mother. I had dreamed of being strong, of impressing my elders and becoming a warrior, a shieldmaiden.

But then Hiccup had come along. He had always been there, in the background, behind the nagging of training. I had always known he was there, but tried to push him away, to block him out. It had worked for a while, until our teenage years. I had pictured myself with him once, before he met Toothless, when I was forced to stay inside with my mother on a rainy day. But I had always thought he would make a terrible husband. A horrible chief for Berk. He had been lanky and small, too skinny and weak. I had no preferences, but I knew if and when I did, he wouldn't fit any of them.

But none of that was true.

He was a wonderful husband and an amazing chief for Berk. He was still lanky, but he was taller now and had almost visible muscles from constant dragon training and riding.

And I loved him because he was different, because he wasn't scared to be himself.

Because he had always been there for me, even when I wasn't for him.

Because he was Hiccup.

I sighed, pushing the wooden door of our home open and closing it behind me. The house was empty; Hiccup was probably at the Academy or out helping villagers.

I honestly didn't care where he was. I just wanted the world to fade away, to just disappear.

But I couldn't.

I would have to learn to accept the fact that my life was changing, and that I was just along for the ride.

I made myself busy with simple tasks that needed to be done around the house.

Fold the laundry and put it away, wash the dishes that were slowly piling in the sink, get fish from the docks for Stormfly.

There was almost nothing for me to do.

Within an hour I was sitting in a large chair by the fire pit, watching as the flames danced.

The soft light was so alluring and hypnotizing, as if I could watch the orange glow forever. The way the flames curled towards me, beckoning, and then gracefully danced back, like the waves on the shore. I felt like my fate remained on that shore, being washed away before a new challenge was thrown at me.

_In. _

_Out._

_In._

_Out._

_In..._

I straightened my back when I heard the door open and close, briefly wondering how long I had watched the flames.

I could feel his eyes burning into my back, worthy of competing with the blaze of the fire. "Astrid," Hiccup began hesitantly. I tried to ignore him, staring deeply into the fire, as if it could suck me in if I stared long enough.

"Is there something wrong? Do you need me to get Gothi?"

_Gothi._

My gaze immediately flicked up.

"What? No! No, everything's fine. Great actually. How was your day?" I said nervously, my hands shaking with anticipation as I hurriedly wiped tears that I hadn't noticed before from my cheeks. Hiccup nodded, obviously not believing me in the slightest way.

"Are you sure? You can always talk to me."

I turned, giving him an artificial smile, nodding. I could tell it hurt him to see me like this, to _know_ that I was hiding something from him.

"No, I'm great. Never better!" I chirped, a low tone in my voice. He gave me an unsure look.

"Did something happen today?"

There.

Something flashed in my eyes, hopefully too quick for him to catch.

I hesitated.

This is it. I have to tell him.

"N-No, nothing. Nothing at all." I replied, avoiding eye contact. He nodded, still not believing me.

* * *

><p>And here's chapter 2! Now that you've gotten a taste of the drama, you can know that it will only get worse in future chapters. What did Gothi say to Astrid? What does Astrid need to tell Hiccup? Why is Astrid so worried?<p>

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, you will soon. Trust me, it all links together.

Until next time,

_ShadowGirl996_


	4. Running Out Of Time

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and any you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, I enjoys my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy!

* * *

><p><p>

It was quiet for the rest of the night. Neither of us could speak, we just couldn't find the words.

Hiccup ended up going to bed shortly after our conversation, unable to take the awkward and heavy silence between us any longer. It was thick enough to cut with a knife, stealing the words that tried to form on their lips.

I stayed downstairs, trying to go through the events of the past few days. Everything was happening so quickly, leaving me with no time to breathe.

_Time._

That was all I had wanted.

I hadn't wanted to jump into marriage right away, so when Hiccup asked me at the ripe age of 20, which would cause most girls to squeal and jump into their lover's arms; I had told him to give me time, so he did. 4 years later we were wed, and we had been perfectly happy ever since.

And now this...

I had wanted to wait years before approaching something like the challenge that glared down at me. I wanted time. But now, there was none left.

And there was nowhere to run.

It was my turn in the spotlight, and I had to find a way, whether I liked it or not.

_"Accidents happen"_, my mother had said once when we saw a group of snooty women discussing another._ "And there's no way to run from them. You must learn to live with your mistakes. Move past them and they will teach you strength and knowledge."_

My mother, Ingrid, had always been, and continues to be, wise. She had always been poetic and seemed to always know what was best for me.

Gods, it's been... almost since the wedding since I've seen her. I should probably visit her sometime, maybe tomorrow. I nodded to myself, satisfied with my future plans.

After dousing the fire with the freshly-washed bucket, I climbed the stairs, freezing in the doorway of our bedroom. Hiccup was sleeping, she could tell by his gentle, steady breathing and the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Inhaling sharply, I made my way to my side of the bed, changing into my nightgown before cautiously climbing into bed. I closed my eyes, finally feeling at ease after a long, terrible day. My eyes shot open when an arm slithered around my waist, pulling me close to the body in front of me.

Oh Gods, he's awake!

But, no, his steady breathing assured me, he wasn't. Sighing, I settled into the crook of his neck, his heartbeat like a soothing lullaby that my mother used to sing to me.

"Goodnight, Hiccup. I love you." I whispered, barely audible above my thunderous heartbeat. He didn't reply, but I knew what his response would have been if he could have. Finally, everything was alright, if even for just a few precious moments.

* * *

><p>What did you guys think of this chapter? Good? Not so good? Let me know in a review!<p>

Until next time,

ShadowGirl996


	5. The Talk

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and if any of you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, might enjoy my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy!

* * *

><p><p>

The first thing I saw in the morning was the fur blankets that covered the bed. Only the furs.

He was gone.

I knew that it wasn't unnatural for him to be gone before I woke up, but something about it felt different today. In a terrible way. Almost like I knew something bad would happen. I hated the feeling, but nothing I did could shake it from my mind. I slowly stood from the bed, stretching and sighing as the sound of bones cracking echoed in the room.

Once satisfied and awake, I pulled on my hood and descended the steps, smiling as I heard my dragon squawking from outside the house.

"I'm coming, girl!" I called, throwing open the wooden door and stepping out into the snow with a shiver. The stables was only a short distance from the house, only a couple of feet or so, but with 3 feet of snow it was rather difficult to get to.

20 or so minutes later I was climbing onto my dragon's back, rubbing the back of her large, scaly neck.

"Alright, Stormfly, let's go!"

With that they we to the skies, the snow slowly falling around us and blanketing the peaceful, sleeping world below.

* * *

><p>After a lonely and unappetizing breakfast at the Great Hall, I was on my way through town, my childhood home my destination.<p>

My friends had pushed and pushed, trying anything and everything to get me to laugh or smile. Nothing had worked.

Located close to the edge of town, the place I had once called home was seemingly abandoned when I arrived.

"Hello? Mom? Dad?" I called, closing the front door behind me.

"In here, dear!" My mother, Ingrid Hofferson, called. I found her in the kitchen, stirring a pot over the fire. My mother looked up, her sapphire eyes meeting mine with an element of happiness.

"Yes? Is there something you need?"

I bit her lip, contemplating her next move. Gods...should I tell her? What of she's upset? Or what if Hiccup finds out? I pushed away that thought. No, he won't.

I looked up at my mother.

"Um, can we talk?"

My mother nodded, gesturing to the dining table.

I sat down across from her, twisting and untwisting my intertwined fingers.

My mom suddenly cleared her throat, the noise shattering the quickly growing silence. "You wanted to talk?" She asked. I nodded.

"Um... well, you see... I... I may have... accidentally... um..." I trailed off.

"What is it, Astrid?" My mother asked, reaching a hand out to hold grasp mine. Gods, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her.

Hysteria and fear had begun to take over my mind.

What if she rejected me? what if HE rejected me?

"Astrid, I have other things to tend to, now what is the matter?" My mother sighed. No! I had to tell her. She was the only other person I had to turn to. She would support my decision, no matter what I chose.

"Astrid-"

"I-I'm pregnant."

* * *

><p>So... now Astrid's big secret is out. But how will Ingrid react? You'll just have to keep reading to find out.<p>

Until next time,

_ShadowGirl996_


	6. Mother Dearest

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and if any of you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, might enjoy my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy

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><p><p>

The hand that had been slowly creeping across the tabletop froze. Silence quickly filled the room, growing heavier and heavier with each passing moment.

Oh Gods, she was rejecting me, she didn't want me as a daughter anymore. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to tell _him_? What if-

"Astrid. That's wonderful news."

My mother wasn't frowning, telling me of all the terrible mistake I had made, no, instead she was _smiling_ and telling her that it was _wonderful_.

How was this _thing_ _wonderful_?!

I gave her a confused look.

"Wait... what?" I asked.

"I said that it's wonderful news that you're with child." My mother repeated. I just nodded, swallowing thickly. "Well, when did you find out?" Mom chirped.

"Um... a-about a week ago." I whispered.

Mom's smile faltered. "Is something wrong?"

I quickly shook my head. "N-No. Everything's great." I replied with an artificial smile.

"Oh. Well, what does Hiccup think of the news?"

And there's the kicker.

I inhaled sharply, feeling a wave of nausea rising in my throat. Gods, what if she tells him? What if he gets mad because I didn't tell him first? Hundreds of possible outcomes crossed my mind at once.

"Astrid?" My mother asked.

I have to do this. It's the reason for why I even came here in the first place.

"W-Well, he... um, he... he doesn't... know." I stuttered, feeling shame when my mother's smile disappeared.

"What? You didn't tell your husband that you're with child? Astrid, what will he think?!"

Mom began to ramble, standing from her chair and pacing the room.

"Do you understand how _serious_ this is?!" She snapped at me. I sat with my head down over my crossed arms, sobs racking my body.

"I-I'm sorry, I just-"

"Don't apologize to me, Astrid. He needs to know, and soon. Do you understand?"

I nodded, wiping away the tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"Alright. You have to _promise_ me, Astrid. You _must_ tell him." I nodded again.

"But, isn't it too early for something like this? We've only been married for 3 years. What if he isn't happy?" I whispered.

"No. It is never too early for a child to be brought into the world, an heir at that. You should be happy, all of this stress isn't good for the baby."

The baby.

The damned, retched thing.

Created from an act of sin, sent as punishment for my actions.

Thats what the Gods think of me. They think I did wrong, so they're making me go through THIS.

But none of that was true.

Childbirth was always a joyous time on Berk, bringing together people across the island to celebrate the start of a new life. But not in the winter. Berk always ran low on food in the winter, because all of the expecting mothers received larger shares than normal to keep their unborn children strong.

The method rarely worked.

The year before, 7 newborns and 3 mothers died.

One of the mothers had been snowed in when the birth began, and she was so far from town that it was days later when the snow was cleared away and her body was found, holding her bloody child in her arms, frozen solid.

Other children had died because their bodies were unable to keep them warm, no amount of furs or food could help them.

"Astrid, are you alright?" I heard my mother call distantly. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I looked up at the her.

"Yes, mama, I'm fine." I replied.

"Well, I'm very happy for you, but you need to tell him. He deserves to know as much as you do. Hiccup is like a... like a son to me, and I know he would be heartbroken if he found out that you were hiding this from him." I nodded. "But...what if something happens? Like the Erikkson family?"

The Erikkson family had been snowed in also, except for many weeks. Eventually they ran out of food, causing the father and son to leave to try and get to town for help. Etta, the wife and mother of the family, was left alone. Her baby was delivered only hours after they left, stillborn. Etta was said to have tucked the dead child into it's cradle before rushing outside, running to town to find her husband. All of them died that day, and no one knows what happened to Etta Erikkson and her dead child, neither were ever found.

"That won't happen, Astrid. That was many years ago, you were just a babe at the time. We have better safety precautions now so it won't happen again." Mom assured me.

"But, it could still happen."

My mother gave me a stern look.

"No, it won't, Astrid. You need to calm down."

Calm down?! Ha! How am I supposed to _calm down_ at a time like this?!

"But I'm scared, mama, I'm really, really scared." I whispered. My mother wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close.

"Everything is going to be fine, Astrid. I promise."

But, what if it isn't?

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><p>What do you guys think will happen? Let me know in a review!<p>

Until next time,

_ShadowGirl996_


	7. Lost

**Title: **Alone In The Silence

**Author: **ShadowGirl996

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **Astrid was a shieldmaiden. She didn't let anything or anyone get in her way. No one could stop her from doing what she believed was right. Until she married Hiccup. Then everything changed forever. She's alone most of the time, and when she isn't alone, she's giving everyone painfully sweet smiles that are in no way her. No one understands that, even though she might be the unbreakable Astrid Hofferson-Haddock, she too has a breaking point. And now, when she's finally realized just how painful reality truly is, she's all alone in the silence.

**Disclaimer: **_How To Train Your Dragon_ belongs to Cressida Cowell and DreamWorks Animation Studios.

**Notes: **This story is rated M for violence, language, and minor sexual content. If that bothers you, here's your chance to click out of this page. Oh, and any you have ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them. Reviews are what give a writer the confidence to share their stories, so I need your reviews! I love knowing that someone out there, maybe even on the other side of the world, I enjoys my work and took the time to share that with me. No review is a bad review, so don't be shy!

* * *

><p>It was just past dawn when I awoke, moaning and tugging my pillow over my head to block out the glaring golden rays of light that streaked across the floor and directly into my eyes. I heard my dragon squawk in her stable outside and rolled over, sitting up. I would have to get up sooner or later, whether I like it or not. And based on my dragon's annoyed squawks, sooner is the better choice.<p>

I sighed, swinging my legs over the side of my wooden bed and standing. I groaned as my back cracked and glanced around the room.

Hiccup's side of the bed was empty, as was Toothless's stone bed. They were most likely out helping villagers, training dragons, or stopping the twins and Snotlout from wrecking havoc on Berk on that cold, snowy morning. The usual chiefly duties.

I, myself, felt like going for a long, relaxing flight on my own dragon, a Deadly Nadder who I have decided to call Stormfly.

I was just heading into the kitchen when a sudden wave of nausea hit me, sending me barreling towards a conveniently placed bucket and spewing the contents of my stomach into it. Once I was finished, I stared into the bucket at the bile, trembling as a foul taste filled my mouth.

What a great way to start of a Wednesday morning. Just wonderful. Well, no Dragon Races or flying for me this week. Nope, just me, the flu, and an empty house.

I sighed, stumbling over to the door on shaky legs and nudged it open with the toe of my boot and threw the bucket outside. The snow rushed inside, followed closely by a bone-chilling wind. I quickly slammed the door shut and leaned against it, sinking to my knees.

I must have eaten something bad the night before and gotten food poisoning. Or maybe I drank too much mead and was simply hungover. I had never had food poisoning or a hangover, so I wouldn't have known the difference.

The night before had been one of the most important parties of the year, and, I have to say, Vikings are known for their love of partying for a reason. It had been Snoggletog, the most anticipated holiday of the year. I had celebrated with my friends and family, accompanied by my husband, who was passed out for most of the party. Hiccup hated to drink, and combined with the fact that he never did, he was a lightweight. He had barely finished one tankard of mead throughout the entire night, and he wouldn't have even had that much had I not nagged him.

So, with him stumbling and tripping on my arm, I had drank and danced with my friends all through the night. I would have stayed longer than I had, but Hiccup had fallen and banged his head on a table, forcing him to go home.

I, from prior experience, had known that he would probably fall into the ocean or walk into something if I let him walk home alone, drunk or not.

And it was a good thing I did. I distinctly remembered watching as he struggled to get out of the Great Hall, torn between laughter and sympathy.

* * *

><p><em>"-so then I just let it go." Snotlout finished, trying to impress his fangirls with his macho (and obviously exaggerated) stories. They all sighed dreamily, rubbing his arms, touching his hair. It was disgusting, watching them sigh and giggle over his stupid and obnoxious stories. Ugh.<em>

_"That's so brave, Snotlout." One of the girls, Alva, noted. The other two, Eira and Helga, nodded faithfully._

_I just rolled my eyes. I was beyond thankful that he had given up on me after my marriage to Hiccup. I don't think I could have taken his endless flirting for much longer. Now he was after Ruffnut, much to her disgust and dismay. __Poor Snotlout, he had no idea what he had coming for him. Oh well, I was sure she wouldn't hurt him too_ _badly._

_"Hey, Astrid, is that Hiccup?!" The girl in question laughed, pointing towards a large beam that stood next to the large double doors. I followed her gaze, my eyebrows raising when I saw what she was laughing at. _

_There, Hiccup was in mid-step, walking straight towards the beam. __With a thud, he ran into it, stumbling back and staring at it before trying again, struggling to push it out of his way. _

_"Oh gods..." I muttered under my breath, standing from our table and pushing my way through the joyous crowd towards my overly drunk husband. _

_Yeah, he was definitely done drinking. I shook my head as I grabbed his arm, half leading half dragging him away from the beam. I__ pushed him towards an empty table, wincing and reaching out when he tripped and slammed his head into it. _

_"Hiccup, are you alright?!" I asked, crouching down next to him. He only blinked at me slowly, rubbing the back of his head._

_"My head hurrrrts, Astwid!" Hiccup whined, his green eyes wide. _

_No way. My ever mature and level-headed husband acted like he was five years old when he got drunk. Never again was he touching mead. Never._

_I pulled him to his feet- well, foot- and led him out of the Great Hall, much to his annoyance._

_"Where are you taking me? I was having fun!" Hiccup cried, struggling weakly to pull his arm away. I gripped it tighter, rolling my eyes when he whimpered. I tried to relax, telling myself that he was still Hiccup and that thankfully, the mead would eventually leave his system. _

_"We're going to visit Gothi and then we're going home. You'll be fine." _

_Hiccup's green eyes widened. _

_"I'm DYING! Somebody help me!" He yelled. __I slapped a hand over his mouth, muffling his screams and further attracting the attention of the other villagers. They gave us strange looks, leading their children away. I wanted to raise a fist, but willed myself not to. I had bigger problems to deal with then what people thought of me. For example, my intoxicated husband._

_"You're not dying!" I growled at him. "We're going to Gothi's because you ran into a beam and then you banged your head on a table."_

_He stopped yelling and nodded silently. __When I moved my hand away he looked at me, searching my eyes as if to confirm that I was in fact telling the truth._

_"Are you sure?" He whispered._

_"Oh for the love of Thor, YES, I'm sure." I growled, pulling him along as we neared Gothi's hut._

* * *

><p>I shook my head, trying to clear the dizziness. It didn't help much, but I felt better than I had.<p>

Maybe I should have visited Gothi, just in case. I didn't want to be sick during the upcoming New Years celebration. Besides, if it's nothing than I can be glad that I at least made sure instead of letting the guilt haunt me. Yeah, I would just go see her the next morning. I nodded to myself, grabbing my fur hood before trudging out into the winter world.

Stormfly was waiting when I pushed open the door of the stables, greeting me with a cheerful squawk.

"Hey girl, ready to go flying?" I asked her, grabbing the saddle and strapping it into place on her back. Stormfly squawked, nudging me with her large beak-like nose. I laughed in return, rubbing her neck affectionately.

"Yeah, I missed you too." I told my dragon, hoisting myself up into the saddle.

"Alright, girl, let's go!"

The dragon spread her wings, leaping into the air.

I sighed as I felt all of my troubles flee my mind, as if they were simply blown away. The wind tousling my hair, the clouds at my fingertips, the whole world behind us as we climbed into the open sky as the first pink streaks of morning light shone over the mountain tops, causing the snow to sparkle. I loved flying. It was simply something I could not live without.

"Gods, I missed flying. What about you, Stormfly?"

The dragon chirped in reply.

"Yeah, I thought so."

For the rest of the day we soared through the clouds, watching the world come to life beneath us. There was nothing like flying. It was amazing. The feeling of complete freedom and adventure... it was like something from one of my craziest dreams. I knew Stormfly felt similar and often envied her. She could take flight whenever she wished to, whilst I could only fly on dragon-back. But it made us a team and I wouldn't trade that for the world.


	8. Big Brother

The snow-dusted trees were a blur as I ran by them, the harsh winter wind biting at my skin. I should have grabbed my hood, but in my rush to get as far away as possible from reality, I wasn't exactly capable of thinking clearly. Now though, stumbling through the high dunes of snow as I struggle to reach some destination that is still unbeknownst to me, I really wish I would have thought things through. For instance, what if I became stranded? Or what if I had a run-in with a wild dragon who wasn't particularly keen to Vikings? Oh, how I wished I thought before I acted.

I spotted a cave not too far ahead and sighed with relief, sprinting towards it and not caring if it was already home to someone or something else, as long as it was warm. I didn't think I could stand the cold much longer. It seeped through my multiple layers of clothing- we Vikings always dress in heavy layers due to the year-round freezing temperatures- and chilled my bones.

I was almost to the cave now, only a few feet or so. But I couldn't make it. It was too much. I came to a stop under an old elm tree, collapsing against it's weather trunk.

My breath came in bursts of pain as though my lungs were truly on fire, gradually slowing. I clutched my chest as if it would slow my pounding heart. I was tired- no, exhausted after running for hours.

I attempted to stand and, with an exasperatd growl, fell back against the tree when my body decided to go against my wishes. I had no choice but to lie there and rest, praying to the Gods that I would regain my energy soon so I could continue on my journey. But in my heart I knew I had to stop, that it was wrong and immature to run from my problems. I would have to accept it sooner or later, and the sooner the better. I should have gone home, back to my warm bed and husband's forever welcoming arms. Perhaps everything would have gone back to normal if I just told him. Why would I think he would be upset? He's Hiccup. Of course he would have been overjoyed, at least after he'd gotten over the fact that I refused to tell him until it was almost too late because of the ridiculous games that I played in my mind. But, on the other hand, I didn't want him to know. I didn't want anyone to know. Not even myself.

Having children would destroy who I was: Astrid Hofferson, a strong warrior. Since the time I could crawl I was trained to be an independent warrior, to never take anything for granted or allow others to walk all over me. My mother, once a sheildmaiden herself, was put in a similar situation when she became pregnant with my brother out of wedlock. But, after her and my father were married, she realized that she was a better mother than a warrior. She had already known how to sew, to cook, to clean. I didn't.

My husband sewed his own clothing, something that was greatly looked down upon in our village by those who still live and believe in traditional ways. But, after being raised to be a blacksmith, he would have made a better housewife than me.

My cooking is often compared to poisoning, something that even I find ridiculous. A woman should be able to take care of her family, to make them proud. What kind of housewife can't cook, clean, or even darn socks? That's why Hiccup and I were perfect together, we eat at the Great Hall, I clean what and when I can, and he sews. Everything worked without a hitch until a baby came into that once flawless picture and changed everything.

I didn't think I could just let go of the only thing I've ever been to be someone else: someone that I'm not. I was taught to bring honor and glory to my family, to my people, not an heir to their villlage.

As much as I hate to say it, I was scared. And, after heavy thought, I realized that I wasn't scared so much of rejection as I was losing myself. Sure, I was worried that if I did go through with it, I would only be able to produce small, sickly children. But, I have learned that even the smallest can become the strongest of all.

It was times like those that I wished for my brother, Asger's, warm embrace and soothing words. He always listened, no matter how ridiculous or idiotic I sounded. Asger never judged me based on my wrods or actions, for he knew that behind my hardened warrior exterior, was a girl who just wanted to return pride and joy to her broken family.

Sometimes when no one was around I would talk to him, spill everything that had troubled me. It was as if after talking to him, he would watch over my shoulder and protect me, like the big brother he never got the chance to be.

Why did the Gods have to take him away from me? Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why my big brother? Where did he ever go wrong in his short 17 years?

I turned my head up towards the dreary, lifeless gray sky.

"No! This wasn't how things were supposed to happen! I don't want to be a mom! I just want this _thing_ out of my body so everything can go back to normal!" I screamed, my head flying back and thudding painfully against the frozen bark of the elm tree.

"Why won't you help me?!" I cried, staring up at the sky. "You're supposed to help me... I miss you..." And then I was crying, the tears slowly cascading down my cheeks.

"It's not fair! First I lose my only brother... and now this?! What did I do to deserve something so horrible?"

The wind tossed my bangs, leaving them in disarray and further blurring my vision. I felt the urge to let go of everything, to speak to my brother again, just like we used to before the accident happened.

"I miss you so much, Asger. Everything would be okay if you were here... you would help me. You wouldn't nag me like everyone else."

The wind began to screech louder against my sensitive ears, like a wild animal as the snow pelted my face.

"Well... not everyone. Do... do you remember Hiccup? I mean... I know he was only 13 the last time you met him, the same age as I was, but he's 24 now. We're... um, we're married."

A shaky smile broke out on my face as the wind slowed to a low whistle.

"Gods, Asger, he's so perfect. He's smart, he's kind, he's handsome... I love him. And I'm... I'm pregnant. I found out last week. Gothi said that I should start showing soon, but I haven't told him yet. I told mom yesterday and she had a mixed reaction. But Hiccup... he doesn't know anything, and I don't want him to know until I absolutely have to tell him."

I paused, watching as a single snowflake landed on my hand. It melted instantly, leaving a tiny puddle in it's wake.

"I don't wanna have a baby, Asger. I'm not ready. We're not ready. Hiccup... I know he wants kids. He brought it up once. I still remember that day. I wish I could take back what I said more than anything, but it's too late now."

* * *

><p><em>"Astrid?" Hiccup called.<em>

_I smiled, still victim to the just married phase that all couples go through. We had been wed in February, an odd time for a wedding, only three months before and I had never been happier. I set down the dishes that I had been washing in the sink and grabbed a small towel, drying my hands._

_"In here!" I replied, turning to face Hiccup, who stood in the doorway, a look on his face that suggested serious thought and nervousness._

_"C-Can we talk?" He asked._

_I felt my heart begin to beat faster as my mind began to conjure up the most ridiculous of scenarios._

_"Yeah," I whispered, taking a seat at the dining table. Hiccup sat down across from me, taking both of my still wet hands in his on the wooden tabletop._

_"Well... I've been thinking lately..."_

_I nodded instinctively._

_"I know it's only been a few months since the wedding, but..."_

_I frowned. Did he already want a divorce? Was I really THAT terrible? I mean... I wasn't at all perfect and had no idea what he saw in me, but really?_

_"I-I... I wanna have a baby." Hiccup said, a slight note of hesitation and fear in his voice._

_I froze instantly, my grip on his hands faltering. A baby? I had never thought about what life would be like with a baby. I had just thought that we would be happy as we were. But, knowing Hiccup, I should have expected that he would suggest it sooner or later._

_"Astrid?" Hiccup asked._

_Wasn't it a little early into our marriage to be suggesting children though? I had thought that Hiccup was all for making me happy. He should- no, would have known that it was against my wishes to have children. Unless... was I nothing to him? Just a woman who could give him an heir? Was that what he thought?_

_My eyes narrowed to slits as I stood from the table, knocking my chair over backwards and ripping my hands from his. Hiccup gave me a look of shock and hurt._

_"No. I told you then, and I'll tell you now. I. Don't. Want. Kids!"_

_He seemed to shrink back in his chair under my intense glare._

_"Have you ever even thought about it? It could be-"_

_"No! It's MY body!" I yelled, my voice cracking._

_"Well, Berk still needs an heir-"_

_"Don't play the heir card, Hiccup. It's not going to get you anywhere. When Snotlout has kids, he'll finally have something to brag about when one of them becomes the chief."_

_Hiccup's frown deepened._

_"But, don't you want to keep the name in our family-"_

_I knew he had a thing about the name Haddock. It was really all he had left of his father, a sign that he really had made the man proud after years and years of trying and failing to. His father had been so excited for him to be chief, and now that he was, he wanted to ensure that the next chief would be able to fit the standard that his father had put into place._

_I also knew that he would rather Gobber of all people- and we both knew how that went the first time- be chief than Snotlout, who, as his cousin, is next in line to be chief if Hiccup and I never have children or something happens to Hiccup._

_"I don't care about the name! If it's that big of a deal, go find another wife!" I screamed, stomping to the front door and slamming it behind me. I immediately headed in the direction of the stable, neeeding to let off steam and knowing that a long flight with Stormfly would help me to do just that._

_Once I was gone, and unbeknownst to me, Hiccup sighed, looking down at the sketches of a cradle he'd made in his notebook. At least Snotlout would be happy._

* * *

><p>I was silent, shivering as an icy gust of air whistled past me.<p>

"I shouldn't have said any of those things. I hurt him just for asking. And now, whenever we see a newborn baby or younger children he gets really quiet. I... I know he still wants them, but I'm just not made to be a mom. It's just... I want to be myself, not a full-time mommy with a herd of kids that follows me around all day. I mean, I guess one or two would be okay, but not for a long ways down the path."

"We... um... this is kind of embarrassing, but... w-we... he wanted to try last night. He didn't pressure me, he just suggested it, but I just feel guilty for shooting him down. After we got married, when I found out he wanted kids... I started drinking a herbal tea that would act as a contraceptive. I know it's wrong, but I stopped a few months ago. All it took was one slip up... and now this. I have a feeling that he would be happy with the thought of a baby, but that means he'll be heartbroken if I suggest adoption. So... I'll just find a way to hide it from him. He'll never even know, and in a couple of years, when I'm ready, we can actually start trying."

I rubbed my arms, trying to regenerate some of the heat back into them.

"It's not like I never want kids, I do, but like I said, not for a long time. I'm already losing practice and flying time. When I get... heavier, I'll have to somehow get a new saddle without letting Hiccup find out so Stormfly will be able to adjust better when we fly. I can't practice because I risk hurting myself and... and another human being. In a few months I won't even be able to pick up my axe if I drop it."

I grimaced, already picturing myself with a large rounded abdomen, so different from my small, lithe frame.

"But, that might be a good thing. H-Hiccup... I know he loves how I look, so maybe he won't be attracted to me once I start to gain weight. I mean... w-we... um... y'know... a lot. And I mean a lot. Not so much lately, but usually..."

I exhaled loudly,shaking my head and allowing a fewstrands of blond hair to free themselves from my braid.

"I just don't wanna hurt anyone; I'm already hurting myself. I just wish that I could take this entire thing back. Why couldn't we have been more careful? Why did I have to stop drinking that stupid tea?!" I groaned, burying my face in my hands.

"I just... urgh! It's so hard to explain!"

The wind blew, causing the snow that blanketed the ground to fly up, spinning and twirling in a sparkling dance.

"I... I should go back. He's probably worried."

* * *

><p>And was he ever.<p>

It was after nightfall when I returned, my clothing soaked and clinging to my skin. I had never been so cold nor happy to be back in my warm home. But, instead of rushing into the warm house, I paused in the doorway and took in the sight before me.

Hiccup sat on the floor with Toothless, his arms around his bony knees as he watched the fire with sad, regretful eyes. There were dark shadows under his eyes, a sign that told me he hadn't slept since I left almost two days ago. I hadn't seen him like this since after the battle with Drago Bludvist... since his father's death.

Toothless, ever the oblivious, suddenly warbled and lifted his head, his large cat-like green eyes meeting mine. He cooed, cocking his head.

Hiccup sighed and rubbed his dark, scaly head half-heartedly.

"What is it, bud?"

Even his voice was different. It wasn't nasally and reassuring like always, but instead throaty and thick, as if he had been crying recently.

Toothless warbled again, nudging his rider and giving him a gummy smile.

I silently cursed Toothless as Hiccup turned, a relieved smile lighting up his face as he spotted me.

I barely even made it through the door before he pounced on me, hugging and kissing and blabbering.

"Astrid! Oh, thank the Gods that you're okay! I was so worried-"

"I'm tired," I interrupted, shifting awkwardly in his warm embrace. It felt so right to be back in his arms. But I couldn't help but feel ashamed after how I had treated him.

"Oh," was all he said, letting go of me and backing away. I quickly made my way up to the loft, trying to ignore the feeling of his sad green eyes on my back. He would get over it. He would need to accept that I had a life too.

Once I was comfortably situated under the furs, I closed my eyes and began to review my slowly forming plan in my mind. My life was at an intersection in the path, where I could either choose to back out and everything would return to normal, or motherhood, which would result in losing my life and being expected to adapt to the new one I would be given. Neither option was especially bad, but I still knew which I favored.

The furs suddenly shifted, the bed sighing when another body crawled under the blankets next to me. It was silent for a few moments before an arm snaked around my waist and pulled me close to that familiar warm body, a pair of soft lips pressing a loving kiss to my neck. My husband's breath tickled my ear, causing a small smile to grow on my face.

"Goodnight, Astrid. I... I'm sorry about the other night. I love you."

I truly didn't deserve him. He was so good to me, never judging, only allowing me to have the best.

And then it was silent again, as if a heavy blanket was muffling all sounds from the outside world. It was only us in our cozy home, with Toothless curled up on his stone bed i nthe corner and Stormfly outside in her warm stable.

I rolled over and looked up at his now closed green orbs.

_I love you too, Hiccup._

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, it seems that a bit of clarification is necessary.<strong>

**Dear Guest,**

**The reason for Astrid being scared is she doesn't want to be a mother because that is not who she believes she is meant to be. And for your second question, keep in mind that Astrid is very unsure and experiencing anxiety. She doesn't want Hiccup to know so she can try and find a way out of the situation as though it had never happened, which means she would need to hide the physical signs.**

**Also, she was frustrated and hurt, which is which is why I wrote her to say what she did. She didn't mean it, but it was meant to insult him. I don't mean to write the characters in OOC, but they kind of need to be to fit this story.**

**Astrid is slowly turning away from the world, whilst Hiccup tries to help, yet is victim to the town gossip. If you haven't realized it yet, this is not meant to be a happy, romantic, fluffy story. No. I specialize in and prefer to write angst and tragedy for a reason. If you don't like it, then you should probably just close out of this story now. I'm sorry if I come off as rude, I truly don't mean to, but it's difficult to explain my thoughts without giving too much away. I will try to include more details in later chapters.**

**-****Authors note:**

**What did you guys think of this chapter? I tried to make it a bit longer and not so rushed and can't wait to hear your feedback. Let me know what you would like to see in an upcoming chapter- I'm always open to ideas.**

_**ShadowGirl996**_


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